There is a question that pops up rather frequently in my life since Bubsi was born. It comes in different shapes and sizes from various sources. Yet, it boils down to a single subject: is it enough for you, Kat, to be a stay-at-home-mom?
Life choices, or the question’s origin
It is not like I do not get why they ask me. If anything, before having Bubsi it seemed utterly unlikely I would consider staying at home. After all, my career was coming along nicely. Having passed school with flying colours and in less than the usual time, I studied at college with equal success. Halfway through my Master’s degree, I landed a job in research with a PhD option and a team I really loved to work with. I was reasonably good at doing research and have a handful publications to show for it. Okay, I promise bragging finishes here.
Being good at doing research does not mean that I loved doing it though. It quickly became clear to me that I would not follow down the academic career path further (for now). I asked my boss to not do the PhD and just work on yhe project (I am grateful he was okay with that!). When I went to work, I did it for my great team but not for myself. Quite frankly, I felt a little lost. Nothing in my life up to then had prepared me for not knowing what I wanted to do. Following pre-established curricula and fulfilling everyone’s proud expectations had been so easy and inexplicably gratifying.
When Bubsi was born, everyone expected me to return to my wonderful career. It was going so well, why wouldn’t I? After parental leave, of course, but return surely I would. That I had no plans of doing so was only known to Papa, and possibly my mother. Academia was simply not it, and having a baby in a way relieved me of having to find an alternative to soon. With Bubsi growing through her baby months, I quickly realized how important it became to me to be there for her. It is the most wonderful job I ever had (sometimes also the most tiring, stressful and gruesome to be fair)!
Now I cannot see myself returning to work before she is school-aged, if that. Permitting our financial situation remains the same, that is. I am not beyond work and will go back if necessary!
Mental stimulation is not enough
What I do agree with, however, is that my brain needs much more stimulation than watching a toddler all day can provide. At times I get severely bored and seek out arguments with Papa just to keep mentally engaged. Blogging helps a lot, though, as I can focus on something completely for a few minutes.
Tiring questions and self-esteem
The hardest part about the constant “is it enough” questions is keeping up my self-esteem. It grinds away at me that people seem to think I am odd for wanting to stay at home. It makes me doubt myself and that is not fun. I know it is just a question but I can’t help getting defensive about it. Probably because self-esteem has always been my weak point.
Do you feel like you are enough?
Bubsi and I strolling through the freezing park