Now here is a challenge we definitey did not face with Bubsi: childcare for birth. It is a big one, let me tell you, and it stresses me more than the pregnancy itself.
Needing childcare
When Bubsi was born, she was our first child. I was on maternity leave and had nothing much to do but await her impending arrival. I lived with my sister at the time, who was there most hours of the day. My parents came to town for the four weeks surrounding the due date. Even if Papa had to leave for business trips I knew there was always someone around to accompany me for birth.
This time things are different. My parents won’t come round as much as the first time. They live four hours away (with ferry) and might not make it to town even if I call them right away. My sister has equally moved. She started an apprenticeship three hours to the north. Papa is there for the crucial weeks, but that is just one person. And one person cannot be helping me give birth and look after our toddler at the same time. Bubsi is the big game changer. It is not like we can leave her unattended for an indefinite amount of time (or at all, really). Yet, my midwives told me I cannot come in alone when the little one wants to meet the world. Hence, the childcare dilemma arose.
Organising childcare
It is obvious we need childcare for Bubsi during labor. It is not like you can ask a friend: hey, wanna come help me give birth? I know you don’t have kids of your own and it might traumatize you forever, but… Papa has to stay home and look after the big kid. So clearly that route is not an option, and to be honest I would rather have Papa supporting me through birth than a friend who randomly had time. The option to organize someone for Bubsi is much more realistic. Still, it presents a major organizational challenge, for various reasons.
First of all, the person who will look after Bubsi while we are gone must be someone Bubsi knows and likes. I mean, we might be gone for a while. Or at odd hours. We do not want Bubsi to suffer a trauma from being forced to be with a stranger against her will while missing us. She would survive it, of course, but what kind of way is this to welcome a new sibling with a happy mind? None. This condition severely limits the people available for childcare though. Bubsi knows a few of my adult friends in town, but she likes three of them, on a good day. Not a cranky night. Of those three only one has been with her alone for more than an hour in the past.
Second obstacle is the timing. Labor can start anytime in a five week window. Any damn time. So we need someone assigned to a timeslot for possible care for Bubsi over 35 days. My friends either work or have children of their own. No one wants to or even can be available 24/7. To be fair, I wouldn’t want to either. Christmas season with its multiple engagements and vacations does not help.
The emergency childcare plan
Ideally, the new baby wants to come out during kindergarden time. By now, Bubsi is adjusting well there and we would have a solid six hour window to ourselves. Six hours could well be sufficient, considering that second babies often come quicker (and Bubsi took only 7.5h from start to finish). After work and at night we can call my friend S. if she is in town – Bubsi really likes her. In the afternoon my friend G. might do it, but she is not the most reliable one. My friend R. is more flexible, but not Bubsi’s favorite and I fear this might not go well over longer periods of time. Good to have a backup, though. The real backup are my greataunt and uncle. They do live in town, and Bubsi knows them. Yet they are also over 80 years old, cannot see well and have little energy. So not the best choice for a toddler, but better than nothing if there is no other option. Fingers crossed all will go well!
What did you do with your older children during labor?
